The greatest love of all

At its core, perfectionism is driven by a desire to prove oneself to earn approval, love, recognition or fulfill other deeply held longings. Consequently, it is essential to practice self-compassion and reinforce self-love on your journey to tame perfectionism. Prior blog posts have addressed practical mindset shifts and tools to help you move beyond a state of overwhelm and get things done. It is important to recognize that inner emotional shifts are just as important for taming perfectionism.

In 1986, Whitney Houston popularized the hit song “The Greatest Love of All.” The final lyric of the chorus states, “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” While there are many life-giving, sustaining forms of love, self-love is certainly primary. In addition, when it comes down to it, it is truly the only source of love over which we have control. External sources of love can feed our souls profoundly and be a great source of joy, yet they can never truly scratch the itch of not loving ourselves. And when we truly love ourselves, the nourishment and joy of external love is felt exponentially.

Regardless of where you currently stand in relationship to self-love, let’s take a moment to check in and share a little self-love. Please take a moment to read through the rest of this paragraph, and then take a moment to try this practice. If you are comfortable doing so, please close your eyes as you complete these steps. Think of a kind and loving gesture you can extend to yourself. Perhaps you can place your cupped hand on the side of your face, give yourself a hug, place your hand on your heart, or touch your hair. As you make this kind and loving gesture, speak to your inner self, your heart, the true core of who you are, and say, “I love you.” Take a few moments and let these words settle in. Now take a few moments to complete this practice: 1) close your eyes, 2) extend a kind and loving gesture to yourself, and 3) say to yourself, “I love you.”

How was that practice for you? What did you experience? Completing this exercise may bring on tears or other emotional sensations. Many perfectionists are aching for a love of self that is long overdue. Or tears may be an expression of joy, celebrating a self-love that is true. Checking in with yourself on a regular basis and extending gestures and words of kindness and love can help you feel calmer and more confident in a harried world.

For the next week – or longer, if you’d like – start each morning and end each day with this short practice. Please let me know how it goes!