Myth: Perfectionism results in perfect outcomes.
The myth being challenged in this post is that having a perfectionist mindset results in having perfect outcomes. In other words, the myth suggests that if you work hard enough, you can control your outcomes, consistently deliver perfect results and secure the love, recognition, approval, or whatever it is that you believe you need to earn by delivering those consistently perfect outcomes.
The truth of the matter is that whatever it is that you are seeking externally – from people, organizations, society, etc. – you cannot control. You can ask and sometimes even influence or persuade things or people outside of ourselves, yet you cannot control them. While this realization may feel discouraging because you crave control, the good news is that you don’t need to earn love, recognition or approval from others. You are inherently worthy and the love, recognition and approval you seek can come from within.
Shifting from external approval to internal, self-approval takes time, effort and practice. Ultimately, a wellspring of self-approval and love is tremendously life giving. In addition, when you interact with others from a place of self-love and self-approval, healthy relationships deepen and feel even more rewarding. Unhealthy relationships take less of a toll on your self-esteem because you no longer give them the power to dictate your worthiness or lovability. Worthiness and lovability are not rewards that you must earn. They are gifts you are born into – just for being.
Myth: Perfectionism results in perfect outcomes.
Perfectionist trigger: If I do everything perfectly, I will earn the love, approval and recognition I desire.
Mindset Shift/Tool: I grant myself the love, approval and recognition I desire from within. I share from a place of self-love, self-approval, and fullness rather than to earn love, approval and recognition.
Impact: My healthy relationships deepen and feel more rewarding. My unhealthy relationships no longer dictate my feelings of self-worth. I give from a place of fullness that wishes to share rather than a place of emptiness that seeks to be filled.
Is there something you need to do this week that you feel you must do to please someone? As you approach the commitment, consider shifting your mindset from “I have to do this because ….” to “I made a commitment, and I choose to complete it to honor my word. I realize that whether or not I complete it and how well I complete it has no bearing on how lovable I am, because I am inherently lovable. I choose to complete this responsibility from a place of fullness and inherent worth.”
