Myth: Everything worth doing is worth doing perfectly (Part 1 of 3)
When you have a perfectionist mindset, any outcome other than perfection is unacceptable. If everything has to be perfect, how can you do it all? If you’ve been trying to do everything perfectly for most of your life, you are probably frequently disappointed (in yourself and others), exhausted, and feel pretty rotten most of the time. The truth of the matter is that not everything has to be perfect, and it takes some practice to determine what doesn’t actually warrant your best effort. It takes even more practice to accept imperfect results. But doing so can save your sanity, dramatically decrease your stress level, and allow you to focus your precious energy on the things that truly matter most.
Picture this scenario: Your boss just assigned a major project that’s due next week. The weeds are overgrown all around the perimeter of the house. There are four baskets of laundry that need to be done. Your best friends are coming over for dinner this weekend. You haven’t exercised all week, and you owe your Aunt a phone call. For most of us, a scenario like this is pretty common. If you’re a perfectionist, all of these tasks scream for your attention at once and each task demands your very best. The result? Debilitating overwhelm.
What tools might you implement in this situation to tame your perfectionism? This week, consider shifting your mindset to recognize that not everything worth doing is worth doing perfectly. In the coming weeks, I’ll address additional perfectionist triggers inherent in each of these responsibilities. For today, if you were to pick ONE thing from this list that could be done less than perfectly, what would you choose?
I would choose weeding around the house. Brace yourself: if you are not a perfectionist, this paragraph may sound ridiculous. If you are a perfectionist, it may sound familiar (or you may think I’ve missed a few steps). If I approach weeding from a perfectionist mindset, I will wait for a morning after a good rainstorm so the soil will be moist and it will be easier to pull the weeds. I will pull each weed out at the base of the plant, trying to get as much of the root as possible to minimize regrowth. If thicker stems are difficult to pull by hand, I will use a garden tool to loosen the soil and try to dig the weed out without breaking off the stem. Because the soil and the plants are wet, I will spread the pulled weeds out on a tarp to allow them to dry before properly disposing of them because they will take up less space that way. Do you know how many hours this will take? Many. Are you exhausted thinking about this approach? I am. Consequently, this seemingly overwhelming task may not get done, but every time I walk into or out of the house, not pulling the weeds will hang over my head and I will beat myself up for not getting it done.
Myth: Everything worth doing is worth doing perfectly – including pulling the weeds.
Perfectionist Trigger: I must give 100% of my best effort to every task.
Mindset shift: Some tasks warrant more effort than others. For less important tasks, I can set limits to move forward imperfectly.
A few tools get going imperfectly with the task of pulling weeds:
1. Time limit: Set a timer for 15 minutes and pull as many weeds as you can in that time. Will it be incomplete? Yes, and that’s okay. Will it look imbalanced? Yes, and that’s okay too. In fact, if you start near the door, the next time you walk in, you will see tangible progress and may feel motivated to do another 15 minutes the next day.
2. Paired task duration limit: Start pulling weeds as you call your Aunt on speaker phone. Continue to pull weeds until you are done talking. By the end of the call, you will have checked one item off your to do list (calling your Aunt) and made progress on a second item (pulling weeds) at the same time!
3. Capacity limit: Take out a paper grocery bag and pull weeds until the bag is full. Your results are still incomplete and imbalanced, and that's still okay.
4. Radical, imperfect approach: If you’re ready for a more radical approach … get out the weed whacker. A few zips around the flower beds with the weed whacker can get the whole job done in 15 minutes. Will there be some damaged flowers? Yup. Will it leave the roots in the ground, so you’ll have to do it again? Yup. But it will be done for now. When you have a few spare hours, perhaps it’s time to lay down some weed barrier and mulch. But for now, the hours-long, overwhelming task that’s been weighing on your mind and keeping you from other activities is “good enough,” and weeds don’t really deserve your best effort anyway.
Next week, I’ll share an additional mindset shift that relates to this scenario and more tools to consider as you work towards taming perfectionism. In the meanwhile, please share your thoughts and questions via the link below. Have a great week!
Take care,
Amy
PS: This week, identify something on your "to do list" that does not have to be done perfectly. Bonus: do it imperfectly and celebrate your progress!
